CAMO - Connecting All Military Others
So my boyfriend's mom and I have never had any issues. We get along great. We've spent time together, talk on a constant basis, text, and any other bonding thing that you can name. We've never had any issues...until recently.
When my soldier started BCT in January we were all missing him! His parents were missing their son. His sister was missing her brother. And me, I was missing my lover, the guy I wanna spend the rest of my life with, our quality time, intimacy. No big deal right? WRONG. From seeing your man every day and having him whenever I want, this is a major adjustment-for me, as well as his family.
But anyway. Now it's April and my boyfriend graduates basic next month (yay), BUT there's a but. It seems like his mom is starting to be a little turned off by me. Let me explain. There have been quite a few times recently where my boyfriend will call me instead of "home". There have been recent times where I'll receive a letter and not his parents. All these things that I have no control over. So on these occasions he tells me to give his parents certain information, and i do within the following day.
However, I've started to hear a certain tension in his mother's voice. I dont think she likes the fact that he rather give his once a week moments to me over her sometime. Most times, he divides the once a week phone time or once a week letters, but on weeks that he doesn't Im the one that he communicates with. But again, I have no control over that!
Is there truly any way to resolve this conflict with my boyfriend's mom to prevent it from escalating??? Drama is the last thing I need, especially from the mother of the guy I love.
Of course you didnt :) but I think another major factor in this entire thing-hes their first born and only son. I truly have been fair though. I share with them all the time and try to make sure he gives them a fair amount of attention but I cant make him do anything. He usually responds to me by saying "they've had me my entire life". I love that he puts me first but I just dont want his mom to feel like this whole lack of communication thing is because of me and its not. But hes training at Fort Benning in GA.
angela bergey said:
It is rough I had to deal with it for 3 years....what i had to do was let his parents know that i love his son with l my heart and im not out to hurt him or take him away from them or anyone else in his family...you have to just make sure they know that you not trying to take him away and as for you try not to stress about it too muxh when he comes home ot should all blow over but let your boyfriend know how you are feeling and what you think is happening and have him let his parents know that he still loves them and that when your starting a life with someobe else that is in the military you dont have all the time in the world to write people or call them. I don't know your familys and how they are but it sounds like they are just missing him and wish they got more of a response from him. Sorry if I repeated and babled on
So where is hia training at?
I kind of went through this when my DF was in BCT/AIT. I got 5 letters one day, and his mom didn't get any. I remember telling her, but i totally did it to piss her off, because she was not writing him, and you know what that lady did, she never wrote him. He didn't care, but it sure did piss me off that she didn't write him. Sorry got out of subject.
I think sometimes with moms its jealousy, since your BF is her first born, she has to feel you are taking her from him, but she also has to realize that, he is growing up, and that sometimes he is going to put you first. When my DF used to call me instead of his mom, I would have to beg my DF to call his mom, and he still wouldn't do it, you can't really do much if he chooses to call/write you. I hope everything gets solved for you, because for me it's not, his mom and I have no form of communication. I think I made no sense in this. lol.
Hi! I've totally gone thru this since I met my husband 2 years ago. My relationship with his mother also started out great, but then he wouldn't call her or write her as much when he was on deployment or training so she would feel hurt that she was not getting the attention from him. I just think it's a huge adjustment for a mother to let go of their "baby", but the truth is they aren't letting go of them, just moving on to a new phase in life. His mother will soon get used to the fact that you are his number one especially if he constanty relays that to her. I think you're doing a great job of just letting her know how he is doing and just keep the communication open and friendly. It will take time but you'll get back to the way it was! His mother lives farther away but I just do little things like text her how are you, send birthday flowers, and just call and update her on how he's doing becuase he doesn't feel like he needs to talk to her all the time. Best wishes!
I am SO glad that other ladies are going through the same thing I am! His mom & I have a great relationship but she has terrible moodswings that really upset me sometimes. He left for boot camp on April 11 and I just got a call from him last Wednesday (5/9). I called his mom to tell her that he had called and she kept saying she wished he would've called her. His dad also gave me the cold shoulder. I try to relay as much information as I can since he writes different things in our letters but it is never well received. Everything turns into drama and I'm really over it. One minute she wants us to get married, saying I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him, I'm her other daughter, etc and the next she's saying that I'm a distraction to him and I don't need to be with him while he's in school. We're 23 & 22 years old. I'm completely self-sufficient, living on my own, paying my own bills and now he will be too. She doesn't see us as adults that make our own decisions. They were never close before he left so I'm not sure why she's acting like they were now. It could just be her missing him but I miss him too and I'm not allowed to act that way. I feel like I have to hold the whole family together and I'm not allowed to ever be upset. It's really hard and thank goodness I get to see him soon. 27 LONG days and counting! Thank you ladies so much for sharing your stories. It helps to know I'm not alone in feeling this way :]